emotional help

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bhc1962
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Feb 08, 2021 7:24 am

emotional help

Post by bhc1962 »

Hi everyone! I come here because earlier today, my husbands (who has been diagnosed with Kidney disease stage 5) brother told him that anyone who would consider not doing anything about their disease is a coward and that I was encouraging him to elect to do nothing. This is so far from the truth and it is hurting me more than words can say. My husband has not decided what avenue of care to take, except he does know that PD and the renal clinic isn't something he wants to do. I told my brother in law that whatever decision my husband made, we needed to support him. That was in no way me saying I was encouraging my husband to choose palliative care due to not choosing dialysis or transplant. I need some kind of encouragement because it kills me that he would think this of me and say this about me. Thank you for any advice anyone can give me. This is hard enough to go through without having someone who should be emotionally supporting us to say this to and about me.
wagolynn
Posts: 1310
Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 2:49 pm

Re: emotional help

Post by wagolynn »

Hi bhc962,
Being diagnosed with any major illness is always a shock, denial in some form or another is not an uncommon initial reaction.

I would suggest you both read through the articles here, https://www.kidneypatientguide.org.uk/
These are a reliable source, and should give you both some basic information.

His consultant or GP should be able to offer support and guidance, you need to get your husband to make it known that he is happy for you to be included in any discussion of his case.

Putting it crudely, the options are Dialysis in some form (Peritoneal {PD} or Haemodialysis {HD}) to hold the fort until a transplant is available, otherwise an early death is inevitable.

As to the opinions of others, in general they think they are helping but they are only expressing opinions.

Best wishes to you both.

If you have further questions, I am sure you will get answers from people who have been through this or are still in the process on this forum.
Skm
Posts: 40
Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2018 10:13 am

Re: emotional help

Post by Skm »

Hi bhc962,

I feel for you and your husband. It is such a shock when you reach this point. It is a difficult time with difficult decisions to be made. The only person that can make these decisions is your husband. Your role (and his brothers role) is to support him in his decisions. It can be difficult if you feel that you would have made a different decision yourself. Often other people don’t understand, usually because they don’t have all the facts. The links Wagolynn has given you are good and it’s a respected source. Maybe you could pass them to your brother in law too.

It is important to have all the information and it is important that your husband isn’t refusing treatment out of fear. Your GP and consultant should be able to help. If you or your husband have questions that we can help with on here please ask. There is no such thing as a silly question.

Best wishes
Transplant May 2015
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